My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
