I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
