ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
