My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize