Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
this is an emotional support booty call
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
