Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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