evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
