Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
