I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
