and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
