I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
