Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
