who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
