someone threw a dead crab at me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
