wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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