ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm too high and old for this...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
