What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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