Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize