Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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