was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
