I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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