dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
