Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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