I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
