the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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