I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
