Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
