Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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