my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
