WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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