Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
