How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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