I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
