I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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