So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
