I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize