dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
