Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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