if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
