The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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