I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
