Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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