I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He did a backflip because drugs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
