im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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