i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
