True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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