i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
