I'm eating all of the evidence.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
