TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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