There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
