First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
