halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize