Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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