apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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