Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
