We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
