I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
