If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Everyone says I win the strip club
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
