$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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