Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
