You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
