Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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