Where is the hickey?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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