dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
