shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
