I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
