i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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