it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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