No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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