Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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